3 Month Fear

So...although it's a little more than 3 months away, I have officially crossed the line. It was like overnight, I was absolutely terrified! Well...maybe not overnight...Let me explain my weekend.

My mom was in town to try on my wedding dress for the first time. I was so nervous. Nervous I wouldn't like it. Nervous it wouldn't fit. Nervous nervous nervous. Well, it didn't fit but not how one would think. It's too short.

For anyone out there that understands clothing, you simply can't make too short things become long enough. You can't add fabric. It's like cutting hair, once it's done it's done. I think about it and my stomach turns. The first day when I thought about it, I would cry. It's not the way you are supposed to feel about a wedding dress and to be quite frank, I felt ripped off. Ripped off from my experience of getting to have tears and attention at how beautiful I look in my dress. I can barely remember how I looked I was so preoccupied with my feet!!

Now that it's been a day or so, I feel a little better. In the grand scheme of life, this is a very small piece and things could be so much worse. The dress could be stained or 5 sizes too small. Someone I love could be sick or hurting this close to my wedding. I know the bridal salon will make this right one way or the other and I just have to have faith that it will all work out and focus on the positive. Or, at least that's what I keep telling myself....

Anyway, this small moment has given me a sense of overwhelming anxiety. I'm scared things aren't going to come together. Do I have enough decorations planned? Do I have enough rooms booked? Will all my vendors come through? I think about all that is left to do and I feel like I can't breathe!

I think most brides probably feel this way but don't want to admit it. I know how hard it is to explain because when you say you're nervous people assume it's about the marriage. I know I'm ready to marry the boy. I was ready 4 years ago...but I'm nervous my vision won't look the way it's supposed to. I know it's trivial, but I can't help it. So much pressure around 1 single day!

To end on a positive note, we had our cake tasting and it was perfect. I'm so excited about our cake you wouldn't believe it! We are pretty sure of our flavors and I think it's going to be absolutely perfect!

I'll keep you posted on the dress fiasco...think positive for me. I need some reassurance!

Where have I been?

Is it possible the last time I blogged was in 2009??? Truthfully, it's absolutely possible! In the past six months I have completed my master's degree, been diligently planning a wedding and working my tail off at work. I have barely had the time to read all my favorite blogs, let alone write in one myself. But that's all done and over with now and I feel like I have a lot to say. So on we go.

As far as a wedding update is concerned, we're almost there. 116 days or just under 4 months. I'm knee deep in details and all the little things that make weddings so infinitely special. At this stage in the game we have all the big stuff booked. Limo, DJ, Florist, Reception, Church, Cake, the whole nine yards! I'm thrilled with all our decisions so far and as we go, but now it's all the tough stuff. We have to make all the little decisions and start to make the day really come together. We're transitioning between my dreams of my wedding nad making those dreams into reality.

For now, I'm focused on this week. So far I have already started the assembly process on my invitations and started getting those put together. My thoughts are if I start now, mailing them will be a breeze. For some reason they freak me out. I think it's because it's the first taste of our wedding style and I want it to be perfect.

My mom comes into town this weekend. We have our cupcake consultation and my very first dress fitting. I'm petrified about the dress. I have these visions it's not going to fit and I'm going to be horrified. As much as you try to tell yourself it will all be okay, it's no less stressful. I'm sure all you other brides out there can understand, right?

So that's that. I'm excited about what's to come and I want to capture it. Weddings are truly an awesome event. It's such a process and although we focus on how special and monumental the occasion is, there is a lot of tough stuff. There is a lot of stress and sometimes tears and I don't want to loose sight of that either. The emotion is raw and it's something you only have once. I don't want to forget a single minute.